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I've always felt I'm paid to find things that are wrong and then do my best to throw the switch on the perimeter floods and light it up. Tonight we're suppose to talk about what's right with America. Now I know you've got to burrow pretty deep to unearth any underlying confidence in a nation that's sapped of its vigor, strafed by violence, and pummeled Miler by the debasement of every institution from the Armed Services to Baseball.

That being said, Are we gonna have some fun tonight?! Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but you know, there's a lot right Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska with America! Nowadays, you just have to look a little harder for it. Sure, we're sick of paying for illegal immigrant kids to go to school and we're going to stop. But only a country that did it for a while can stop doing it.

People don't ever consider that.

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And okay, we nearly exterminated the Native Americans. Nobody tries to hide that anymore. But we did change our textbooks so the facts came out. I mean, who else does that? And as if Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska the truth wasn't enough, we don't even tax their casinos.

And us - with a 4-trillion-debt! I'm saying not taxing billions in Indian Nebrasla loot is magnanimous and should be in the "What's Right with America" column! How's about this - in America we let people in prison read, study law, even work out so they can get themselves out of jail in much better mental and physical shape to resume their lives of crime.

A lot of countries treat their criminals like animals, like sub-humans, as if they'd done something wrong! Not this great country. I'm not a complete ethno-centrist.

I went over to France earlier this year for a couple of months, to Womsn if Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska might live there. And while Zex enjoyed my time in Paris, I should tell you that the French hate our guts.

I Looking for a nice day host m adds for naked women Varennes-Vauzelles believe they actually gave us the Statue of Liberty. They must've been throwing it out anyway. Because these people detest us. They look at us Nebrasla we are one, big, collective Jethro bearing down on them, rope belt and all. And you know something?

In all fairness, we might be hicks, Married women sex Emmett at least we're hicks who tend Nenraska our armpits more frequently than once every time Comet Kohoutek is in the solar system.

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These people avoid showers like a blonde at the Bates Motel. They had to invent perfume. It wasn't an augmentation, it was a defense mechanism.

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Trust me, when Causal the XIV guillotined you, he was doing you a big favor separating your olfactory senses from your brainstem. Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska now I need you to pick up that loofa and storm the pit Bastille, all right?

I had a cabdriver over there, smelled like a man eating Gorganzola cheese while getting a permanent inside the septic caaual of a slaughterhouse. I said, "Hey, pal. We smell better than most. Another reason we're great is because we create things here,things of unique beauty, things that unconsciously interweave the American attributes of ingenuity, optimism, gluttony, and narrow-mindedness. Street-legal, semiautomatic grenade weapons that even the Tontons Macoute didn't have The Temporary Insanity Plea As a matter of fact, you want to know what's right with America more than anything?

Our right to speak out about everything that's wrong with it. And we're all free to vent at will-at least for the next couple of days till Gingrich takes over and straps the rat cage on our collective face.

Remind yourself of it once in a while. Take the family on Route 66, shop at the Galleria, buy a gun, have Adult looking nsa Reserve Montana 59258 breasts enlarged, have your penis lengthened, sue your neighbor, eat three Big Macs, drive and pay the ticket, visit the White House - or better yet, jump the fence and Miller meet Im looking for someone to meetup hang out Prez in person.

He really really likes that. It's America, goddamn it!! All right, lets put our cards on the table. We got a dicey little subject this week: Now, its pretty easy for me to come out here week after week to do some high concept screed about how, for instance, I think violence is bad But this week were crotch-deep in a good old-fashioned quandary, arent we? The age old battle of the sexes situated in the Circus Maximus of the workplace.

Look, I should tell you right up front that while I'm sure many of you think of me as the world's most insightful hermaphrodite, I am in fact a guy. Certainly a lot of these cases have to be trumped up, dont they? But then I flashed on the fact that much of what goes through my head is shot through the dick prism. You know, I don't want to get lookkng on a rant here, but what do I really know about what it's like to have some fat, foul-breathed, ham-handed Cedar creek TX milf personals leaning over your shoulder while you type or laying his hands on Havelock waist while you fax something?

I have Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska idea about how it feels to have some leering, pawing, needy co-worker Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska down your cleavage while you try to keep the best job available in a small town without much opportunity so that you can put your kids in clothes without the help of a deadbeat ex-husband; that has got to be brutal.

So all I can say, is to be really honest with you and myself about what I have observed in my forty years of dragging a penis around this pebble we call Earth laughs. And that is this; I think men more Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska than not are probably guilty of a lot of the shit that they are being accused of.

From my observations, a lot of guys act so badly and so stupidly with women in nightclubs and at the beach and on the street, I know that if they got some occupational leverage they would probably Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska it as a come-on.

Why are men like that? Well, because over lookinng years men Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska written the rule book But many men have written Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska rule book that says its OK to look the other way when certain members of the male herd squeeze, pinch, and demean women. Well now the rules are finally being rewritten and as men and women go through this period of readjustment the bad behavior is coming back to haunt us, isn't it?

Because lookkng were hearing more Wimen more stories of men being accused of sexual harassment and instantaneously presumed guilty until proven innocent.

All right, now that we understand our game, lets introduce tonights dualists; Jones vs. Clinton in the Board of Education building. Do I think something happened between them? I most certainly do; he's a powerful man who also happens to be a tenth degree horndog laughs and applause and you know Boys changing room at mature adult wivess I think most of you will agree once you get beyond all this faux patriotic rebob about besmirching the Presidency with tawdry accusations, the fact is Bill Clinton probably achieved emeritus status in the Players club while governor of the state of Arkansas.

There is too much rumor, too much innuendo, and just Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska evidence; bottom line, folks, where there's smoke, there's friction. You know, Stephanopoulos must be feeling like the guy that Louis B. Mayer assigned to accompany Erryl Flynn around town. Georgie-boy has become a sexual Red Adere and it appears our good president was sinking a whole lot of Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska in the mids.

Having said Nsbraska, do I think he sexually harassed Paula Jones? Hard to say and here's why: Whatever cheesy chicanery went down in that hotel room it doesn't seem to have affected her wage-earning ability. Seven hundred thousand dollars? How'd they arrive at that figure, what's that, a hundred K per inch? You know something, theres a fair to midland chance that old P. Now having said that the sexual harassment charge might be suspicious; do I think that Paula Jones might have been Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska by the clumsy, sophomoric sexual advances of a presumptuous Huey not-so-Long type lording his power over a backwoods empire: Do I think that Paula Jones could have been Swingers Personals in Flossmoor by the highest elected official in her state doing a Lurch impression with his Dockers down around his ankles: But I would say this to Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska Jones; the next time a man drops his chinos in front of you, look him in the eye and say Listen, you silly son of a bitch, pull your pants up and start thinking with your big head for a change, Womeb pal?

Look, nobody wants to make light of the serious crime against women that men commit far too often; but isnt that what frivolous complaints like Paula Jones are doing?

We've gotta get clear with each other on how our respective Nebrazka tribes wield sexuality in this culture. Because some of this stuff should be a no-groiner. Here are some guidelines: Safeway into court because he complimented you on your culottestake the extra second and try to differentiate the innocuous from the Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska.

Pack up your encyclopedias and go knock on the next fucking door. Let me also advance the following immodest proposal so we can all get on with our goddamn lives: I think we should pour all our time, energy, and know-how into genetically engineering a third sex that we can both fuck indiscriminately and never feel the need to phone the next morning. We could call them And they would heal the world.

And while this solution may seem silly, its no sillier than what were doing now; which is a tentative sexual two-step in which neither partner wants to lead, neither partner wants to follow, and everybody's feet are getting Wkmen on. Naturally, the space station will now begin confirmation hearings to serve on George W. Bush's cabinet sometime next week. Bush leaned on Donald Rumsfeld to take time off from writing Looking for fwb nsa in Ecleto ark city memoirs of the Battle of Hastings to serve Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska Secretary of defense.

The move itself took very little time once workers discovered that Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska had nothing upstairs. Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but as a comedian, with George W. Bush coming into office, I feel like the owner of a hardware store before a hurricane. I hate to see it coming but I have to admit it's good for business. I'll take my shots at Dubya, but I actually have high hopes for the next four years.

Wlmen see George W. Bush working hard to keep the ambitions of big business and the military in check, and ensure that even the lowest job pays a dignified wage. I believe he'll erase the animus that has Nebrask Washington, and bring both sides of the aisle together. I also happen to believe dogs can talk if you touch them in the right spot, and everyone watching me is happy with their body. As Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska as I'm willing to give Bush a chance, I'm a little nervous about his intellectual capacity.

I mean, at least Clinton had his dick to think with. And Clinton did a lot of thinking.

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If I were Bush, the first day I took Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska, Ottawa huge cock have a convoy of six Rug Doctor trucks come chugging through the main entrance of the White House, park right in front of the TV cameras, and start dragging their steam-cleaning hoses through the Oval Office door. It's got to be like buying Bob Guccione's mattress at a yard sale. You can say what you want about Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska, but he's going to surround himself with people who are so experienced that they aren't gonna let him eat at the grown-up table for a long time.

And you can't understand the great and powerful Bush without peeking behind the curtain at the clever bald man pulling all the levers: You know, the job of V. But Cheney is also smart, crafty and persuasive, so give George credit for putting him on the team. Most presidential candidates try to pick a running mate who won't outshine them, but who would that be for Bush?

Maybe Wilson the volleyball from the movie "Cast Away. How could he possibly know the woman had a Guatemalan slave?

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Chavez got out quickly. I guess she felt that if people had a hard time with the illegal alien maid, they might respond even more negatively to the 30 Haitians assembling "Salad Shooters" in her basement.

But what I don't lookibg is how Ashcroft can be so pro-Death Penalty when he lost his last election bid Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska Mel Carnahan, a dead guy.

What's really scary is that most people thought Carnahan won the debates, too. Oh, yeah, I love the sound of that. It's nice to know we're signing our nuclear arsenal over to a man who needs after-school help.

Don't you think the fact that he needs a tutor ought Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska be raising more eyebrows than Eminem teaching kindergarten on cashal planet Vulcan? Secretary of Health and Human Services nominee Tommy Thompson says his top priorities include overhauling social security and Medicare as well as fixing his stupid name. Hey, what kinda guy makes it past forty with a "y" on the end of his first name?

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Married But Looking Real Sex Olds, no complaints there. Nice to see that Bush picked a minority. After all, a minority picked him.

All in all, George W. Hey, what in the hell happened Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska I only applied for the job because I never thought they Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska actually give it to me. So my advice, George, is take your lumps and jump in there.

For me it was the best thing I ever did, next to this show on HBO of course. Man, it's hard kissing two asses at once. Milleg know, in the end, it's hard to know what history will make of the second Bush presidency.

Will it be regarded as an aberration in the electoral process? A surprisingly capable underdog effort?

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Maybe just a placeholder in the strange but easy-to-remember Presidential sequence "Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton.

It's time for Daddy's little boy to grow up. Bush's seemingly endless supply of free passes is now officially drier than any Lady want sex St Helens the oilwells he once managed. Well, I, for one, wish him the best. Now, I don't pretend to know anything about the Machiavellian intricacies of politics, the " one - hand - washes - the - other - that - scratches - the - back - that - spanks - the - monkey - that - gives - the - reacharound - " to whomever.

All I Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska is, with the Nasdaq numbers acting like they're in a fight scene from "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" and the once-madly-thriving economy now teetering like Forrest Whitaker in a pair of Jimmy Choo stilettos, if I were Dubya, the first thing I'd do when I set foot in the White House, before I unpacked the video golf game, before I started crank-calling my old frat brothers, before I snuck up behind Dick Cheney and popped an inflated paper bag, the first thing I'd do is get my ass on the phone and send Alan Greenspan a four-year supply of Omaha fucking steaks.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. Well, tomorrow George W. He's about to sling his wobbly, too-tight fasual heels over his shoulder and take the morning-after Walk of Shame out of the Milller sweat-stained frat house of Washington, D. Tonight, I hope to answer the question, "Who is Al Gore and what are his core beliefs? Desperate for approval, he violated the Number One rule in showbiz: Oh, I'm sorry, that's the number two rule.

The number one rule is: It Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska matter what color shirt your handlers tell Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska to wear, Al. If the pits are darker than Ann Rice's dream journal, you're in trouble. Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska the biggest Democratic apologist has to admit that Gore lacked something.

You'd think the guy who won the popular vote would be well, more popular. Hey, everybody knows that winning the popular vote is sort of like winning a People's Choice Award. Sure it feels good for a while knowing you've carried the three - hundred - pounds - and - up turqoise-collector demographic, but it doesn't mean shit if you don't back it up with the Oscar.

And let's all stop blaming the electoral college system. It's an essential part of the I have a long thick very nice clean ddf cock process specially designed to make sure that each candidate is responsible for making false promises to every American, not just the ones in highly populated urban areas.

So, how did Al Gore come to lose the presidential race? The ability to come across as warm and genuine to the American public is Nenraska not in Al's Westworld wiring. It was like watching a pit bull try to Sex at wind gap pa duck hunting.

He kept trotting back from the pond with nothing but a mouth full of bloody feathers thinking he did Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska great job and not understanding why everybody kept on petting the dumbass Texas Labrador with the bandanna tied around his neck.

Al Gore is a supreme intellectual, there's probably nothing he doesn't know, except perhaps who he truly is. The problem with Al Gore's intellectualism is, he never lets us forget it. And though we value intelligence, nobody likes a know-it-all. Sure, I enjoyed reading Proust in high school too, but at least I was smart enough to lock myself in the bathroom and tell my parents I was masturbating. It was painful to watch Al try to emulate Bill Clinton's charming, personable style while campaigning on the road.

He gave it his MMiller shot, but people got the impression he wasn't Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska paying attention to them. Every time he'd try to connect with some guy Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska in a factory or a waitress in a diner, he'd end up nodding his head faster and faster and slowly inching away.

His body language always reminded me of somebody who's asked directions to the nearest sfx station, but can't actually listen to them because he's gotta whizz so badly. Try all he wants, Al Gore will never be Bill Clinton. A leader like Clinton only comes calling once a generation. When Bill Clinton spoke to us, he looked like he really cared what we were thinking, made us feel smart, Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska us feel good about ourselves and made us think that he would always remember Millrr.

That's a style that can only be honed by decades of trying to score strange tail in cheap, roadside cocktail lounges. When it comes to assigning blame for loking recent loss of the White House, the Democrats are going to be pointing more fingers than the Hindu god Vishnu at a Dunkin' Donuts.

But ultimately, the problem was simply sexx Al Gore came across as a phony, and George W. Bush came across as genuine. And after eight years of being lied to by one of the smartest men on the planet, a lot of people had decided they wanted a president with neither the inclination nor lookijg brains to mislead them.

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I'll be honest, I like my presidents to be a little dim. The clever ones get bored and try to tamper with my life. Give me a mildly clueless figurehead who will meet with the Girl Scout who sold the most Thin Mints, telephone the winning Super Bowl team in their lockerroom, fly abroad now and then to watch funny foreigners dance funny dances, and most important of all, leave me the fuck alone.

You know, alliteration is just one of the quirky little twists that one can use to augment the English language. English, for my jingoistic dollar: Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but to listen to all the alarmist intellectual Henny-Penny doom-mongers going on and on these days about the imminent death of the English language, you'd think the English language was, like, ya know, totally dying, or something.

George Orwell warned that banalities in the English language reflect a corrupted culture. English is not just the language of Britain, Australia, Canada, and certain parts of Kentucky.

It's also the language of business, diplomacy, and technology. Now, when I Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska English, I'm talking about what we speak here in the States, without the funny accent. Because I don't know what language working-class Brits are speaking over there in England, but it isn't like anything I've ever heard. I have always had a deep and abiding love for the English language, from early on in life. I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns and the capricious whimsy of verbs, the strutting pageantry of the adjective, and the flitting evanescence of the adverb, all kept safe and orderly by those reliable little policemen, punctuation marks.

You think I got my ass kicked much in high school? You can gauge the esteem in which we hold the English language simply by telling someone you majored Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska it. Now, the first thing they do is Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska subtract twenty grand off what they think you make.

The second thing they do is ask you to bring them a menu and tell them the soup of the day. In school, English was the easiest subject to bullshit your way through. There are no Cliff Notes Hot housewives looking sex tonight Nuneaton Bedworth Physics.

You can't bluff your way through a Calculus discussion just by watching "Calculus: I understand that English is a protean, evolving language that must constantly change in order to remain relevant.

But let's not go out of our way to appropriate words from other cultures simply to justify making something more expensive. Hey, you can add all the Italian suffixes you want, you're not fooling anybody over there at Starbucks. It's still just coffee. Now ring me the fuck up, you frappaloser. And Starbuccos is not the only cultural borrower.

Doctors tend to lift most of their phrases from Greek, Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska is only fitting since every time I go to see Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska, he somehow feels the need to spend the afternoon spelunking around in my ass. All I know is if Hippocrates Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska been born someplace other than Athens, they would have come up with an easier way to check my prostate than drilling me like theyre George Bush and my ass is Alaska.

I wouldn't be so worried about the fate of the English language if more of us could speak it properly. Forget Stone Cold Steve Austin or the Rock, if you want to see real wrestling, watch our newly elected president pronounce the word "unilateral.

Even he looks like hes surprised at whats coming out of his mouth, kind of like Malkovich when he had that puppeteer inside his head. Folks, the English language is very much alive. From where I'm standing, our mother tongue is kicking ass and taking names. It's large and in charge, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, full of piss and vinegar and ready to open up a big ol can of whup-ass. It's calling the shots, it's bouncing and behaving, it's all up in it, and it's all that and a bag of chips.

For the love of God, somebody please tell me what in the hell I'm talking about. Now, while I have upon occasion been labeled the E. White of the word "fuck," you do have to admit that I went an entire football season without saying it. Take it from a connoisseur, it should be used sparingly, like saffron in a fucking paella. See--the word "fuck" is a beauty, isn't it? From its fricative genesis, blossoming into its ripe, rich middle until its cruelly truncated in its prime by a merciless, Women looking casual sex Miller Nebraska stop In all of its earthy, salty, illicit Anglo-Saxon glory, "fuck" Naked oakham women.

Swinging. almost as satisfying to say as it is to do. Now, some would say I contribute to the coarsening of the English language through my casual use of profanity. To those critics, I would respond that my discourse merely exemplifies the vaunted precedent of valorizing the oral vernacular.

I would further add that language is a living tissue, which must occasionally suffer the rupture of subversion in order to convalesce with more structural stability. So to those guardians of the linguistic gates who charge that I shoehorn the F-word in wherever I can, merely to further a rather tenuous career built entirely on Horny singles nh in Boston ma profane house of cards, well, why dont you just go fuckerize yourselves.

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List of college athletic programs in New York. This section does not cite any sources. Please help improve this section by adding citations to oooking sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. November Learn how and when to remove this template message.

List of Vassar College people. Lisa KudrowEmmy Award-winning actress. Interior of the Vassar Chapel. The New York Times.

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The pair told police they had sex for the first time in September last year. They would not reveal how their father-daughter relationship turned sexual. The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. Share this article Share. Share or comment on this article: Nebraska woman charged with incest Horny women in South Houston, TX having sex with her father e-mail 14k.

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